Our lord which art my friend,,,,,,,

I can not get my head around this Christianity or any religion thing. It kinds of sounds easy, but I found it impossible. It sort of goes that some apostle said that if you offer your heart, ask for forgiveness, you will be accepted into the family of Jesus. I will have a "personal relationship with our Lord" So, in a neutral state of mind, I tried to pray, and ask Jesus to come into my life, so I may be reborn. I followed the plan, laid it out on the line, poured out my heart and tried hard to believe. I sweat and focus to a headache trying to pray, I put all I had into it. The guys were standing holding their hands up to God. Feeling his spirit flowing down to them from heaven. Like a wonderful electricity.

I got no electricity. No fireworks, and no evidence, not even anecdotal, of el supremo regis. When one follows the recipe, one expects a result. No pie for Max!

What is the difference between me and average jo that does believe? I think it's honesty with ones self. If you try to believe something, and you want to ,badly belive, you probably will.It seems like to be a christian, you must suspend common sense. Seemingly intelligent believers always have been a puzzle to me, as they seem normal, then the god thing takes over. I see it as a cross between a vice, security, and feeling of 'not being alone'.

I don't have the capacity to be religious, unless the deity is corporeal, and doesn't depend on faith to snare it's followers. I am not smart enough to be a christian, I don't get it,or it's bunkum. There can be no middle ground. Max